It's inevitable

Decided to take a drive down south yesterday for a little exploring. Bahrain is a small island, and it really only takes (depending on traffic) around 2 hours to get from top to bottom. We ended up at Bahrain International Circuit. The boyfriend enjoys his motorsports whereas I can take it or leave it, but we got tickets for the Grand Racing Weekend at the end of the month, and plan to go to the Grand Prix in April, so I may become a fan yet. After looking around and taking a couple of pictures, we headed to one of the few public beaches on the island. Apparenty the best way to enjoy a beach here is to pay to use a private one for a day, and I can see why, as the public ones unfortunately tend to be dirty and covered with rubbish. It's a shame.

When we knew we'd be moving here, we had to decide what we'd do with our two cats. Holly, being the youngest and more outgoing, we decided would probably adapt better. Also she'd not had time to experience being an indoor/outdoor cat as Poppy had, and considering they'd have to be indoor cats out here we had to take that in to consideration. Fortunately one of Richard's friends and his wife kindly offered to take in Poppy while we decided we'd bring Holly over, partly for company/entertainment for me. The video below should explain the entertainment part.

She travelled well and after a few initial jitters seems to be settling in okay. The only problem is that she's having a hard time keeping her claws to herself, and as we're in rented accomadation this could become a problem in the future. We needed to find a solution, and fast. I know people personally who have had their cats declawed. I don't judge but that's not for me. I won't do that, especially to a cat so young who when we move back will probably become an indoor/outdoor cat. So my boyfriend found these. They're soft cups that you glue over each individual claw, designed and developed by a veterinarian, they're supposed to be easy to use, safe, and most importantly, effective. So we ordered some. They arrived today and later this evening we'll be attempting to fix them to our crazy cat. Wish us luck with that. Fingers crossed they actually do the trick once fitted.

I don't know why I just sat here and went through old entries - I knew it would upset me. But in a way I'm also glad I did. To see again the support and kind words of other members here made me so thankful to have had this outlet back then. A lot of the people I'd known online for a good few years, but some were new to me. People who had happened upon my entries and come, as strangers, to offer words of comfort. And stuck around to offer more as I continued on a downward spiral. I realise my blog must've been hard to read sometimes (a ray of sunshine back then I was not), yet people continued to read and help.

Yes, you helped. Back then I was so wrapped up in things it may have seemed to go unnoticed. So thank you, old friends and new, for being there.

For the sake of my sanity, which when last challenged was somehow helped along by sharing my thoughts here. I had some extremely thoughtful and helpful comments last time, wonderful support for which I will always be very thankful. I think, though, just putting down my feelings also helped.

So here I am again. A low point. Which I kind of saw coming, but stupidly thought I would deal with better. Back at the beginning of the month, I packed up my house, said goodbye to family and friends, and moved to Bahrain. It was something I'd had a while to prepare for, and was seeing it as a wonderful opportunity, something very few people are lucky enough to experience. Which it is. But I'm so lonely. I realise it's still early days, but I can feel myself sinking lower with each one that passes.

The stress of the move itself has caused me to break out again, the worst my face has seen for a good few months. It got better to a point because I went back on the pill -- the one I'm not supposed to be taking, actually. I eventually found a doctor who would prescribe it again. I don't care if it's dangerous to my health, because so is my skin when it looks like it did. I've also realised I'll probably be taking it forever since doing some research and discovering that the last awful break out was more than likely due to coming off it in the first place.

As I sit here and look out of the window, I can't deny that one good thing about being here is the constant sunshine. You can't be too down when you have that, huh?

Besides, a New Year is upon us. I'm starting mine in a different country, with the possibility of great experiences and new friends. I hope I can shake myself up enough to go out and grab that with both hands.

Happy New Year to you all, I hope 2009 is one of your best!

Weed out the ones who pretend they give a shit. Weeeed 'em out. And flowers are budding which I thought were dead. 

I listened to a message my Dad left for my Mum today - a message where he was clearly trying to hold back tears as he told her the outcome of many hospital visits, scans, specialists... He has to go in for an operation on his neck on February 12th. An operation which could either leave him fixed, or in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I watched my Mother, always so strong, get through the day as only she can. But I know as soon as she is alone she'll break down. She has so much going on right now. I really, really need him to be okay. Please.

Dermatologist tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. Still expecting them to suggest Accutane, still not sure what my answer will be when actually faced with that. I'm hoping no, but we'll see. I'm actually still hoping for a miracle. Wish me luck.

Christmas was no fun at all. My little sister got engaged for the second time, which brought a really shitty year to a fantastic end. Yes, that's sarcasm. Yes I am bitter. An 8 year relationship and I never had that, so sue me for feeling ever so slightly shit. I have no desire to celebrate New Years so I'll be staying in and drinking myself stupid.

There's something going on which is... strange, to say the least. Interesting. I'm not sure where it will go, if anywhere. Not sure even sure if I want anything to come of it.

You know it's bad when you stop a kid in their tracks and they stare at you and exclaim "eaugh!"

Need a rock...

I adore Newfoundlands. They are huge dogs but known as Big Friendly Giants, they have webbed feet and are excellent swimmers. I want one.

Unrequited love is a bitch.

We had our work Christmas meal this evening, and I will admit I wasn't sure how it would go. We all get on in work but there are people of different grades and we're kind of kept separate. It was FUN though. I laughed. A lot. And it was fun talking to, and getting to know a little better, the people I don't get to talk to so much in work.
On the walk back to the car I was having a deep and meaningful with my colleague Sally. Sal and I have become pretty close in the year or so we've worked together, but I didn't realise how much she meant to me, and I to her, until this evening. This evening when she cried telling me to please not take 'that drug' because she doesn't know what she'd do and would be devastated without me. I cried and told her I wasn't taking it.

Why can't I see what some others do in me? I only wish I could.

And despite amazing people like this in my life, I'm so lonely.