It's inevitable

Weed out the ones who pretend they give a shit. Weeeed 'em out. And flowers are budding which I thought were dead. 

I listened to a message my Dad left for my Mum today - a message where he was clearly trying to hold back tears as he told her the outcome of many hospital visits, scans, specialists... He has to go in for an operation on his neck on February 12th. An operation which could either leave him fixed, or in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I watched my Mother, always so strong, get through the day as only she can. But I know as soon as she is alone she'll break down. She has so much going on right now. I really, really need him to be okay. Please.

Dermatologist tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. Still expecting them to suggest Accutane, still not sure what my answer will be when actually faced with that. I'm hoping no, but we'll see. I'm actually still hoping for a miracle. Wish me luck.

Christmas was no fun at all. My little sister got engaged for the second time, which brought a really shitty year to a fantastic end. Yes, that's sarcasm. Yes I am bitter. An 8 year relationship and I never had that, so sue me for feeling ever so slightly shit. I have no desire to celebrate New Years so I'll be staying in and drinking myself stupid.

There's something going on which is... strange, to say the least. Interesting. I'm not sure where it will go, if anywhere. Not sure even sure if I want anything to come of it.

You know it's bad when you stop a kid in their tracks and they stare at you and exclaim "eaugh!"

Need a rock...

I adore Newfoundlands. They are huge dogs but known as Big Friendly Giants, they have webbed feet and are excellent swimmers. I want one.

Unrequited love is a bitch.

We had our work Christmas meal this evening, and I will admit I wasn't sure how it would go. We all get on in work but there are people of different grades and we're kind of kept separate. It was FUN though. I laughed. A lot. And it was fun talking to, and getting to know a little better, the people I don't get to talk to so much in work.
On the walk back to the car I was having a deep and meaningful with my colleague Sally. Sal and I have become pretty close in the year or so we've worked together, but I didn't realise how much she meant to me, and I to her, until this evening. This evening when she cried telling me to please not take 'that drug' because she doesn't know what she'd do and would be devastated without me. I cried and told her I wasn't taking it.

Why can't I see what some others do in me? I only wish I could.

And despite amazing people like this in my life, I'm so lonely.

I most definitely made a boo-boo. Time to deal with that ridiculous situation.

Derm appointment on the 31st December at 9:20. I really don't want to wait so long since I waited long enough to get a damn referral. But what can I do. I'll carry on trying to help it myself, which actually in the last week people (who are close to me, obviously) have been commenting positively on. It's nice to hear out of nowhere "it's looking much better, Hel." Although I come crashing down again when I look in the mirror and think - that's better? DAYUM!

Following the suggestion of a fellow Voxer I'm trying a non-dairy diet. I have heard that dairy can contribute to bad skin, and dairy allergies are fairly common, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. It's hard but I'm on my second week and so far I'm doing myself proud. If I see positive results I'll stay off it for good, no problem.

Hoping to go ice skating on the weekend at the outdoor rink they have here for Christmas - the first of many things planned with my girls. Time to pull myself out of this rut I'm getting in to.

Are all men liars, or is it just the ones who say they have feelings for me?

1. Do you like cheese?
I love cheese. A doctor suggested years ago that I give it up for the sake of my skin. My mum was in the room with me and actually laughed. Ain't ever gonna happen.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
That would be a HELL no.

3. Do you own a gun?
Thankfully I do not.

4. Your favorite song?
Gosh I don't really have one favourite, although Don't Stop Me Now by Queen always makes me happy.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Hm, not really.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Pass.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
I do love Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas. Can't help it.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Green Tea.

9. Can you do push ups?
If I have to.

10. Is your bathroom clean?
Yes, thank you.

11. What's your favorite piece(s) of jewelry?
I don't wear much, but have a couple of rings I like to wear from time to time.

12. Favorite Hobby?
Reading.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Would not have a clue. I think I'm pretty easy to talk to though and I'm told I'm funny. Maybe those things help.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
lol no.

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself?
I can be way too sensitive at times.

16. Middle Name?
Louise.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
1) Mmmm that Lush bath smells so good!
2) They'd better send me a new phone
3) Feelings suck

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
1) Lush stuff
2) Food
3) Cinema tickets

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
1) Green tea
2) Water
3) Coffee

20. Current worry right now?
Face ache.

21. Current hate?
Face.

22. Favorite place to be?
Bed.

23. How did you bring in the year?
At Richard's Mum's. Was nice actually.

24. Where would you like to go?
To see my girls.

26. Do you own slippers?
I do.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Can't say I ever have.

29. Can you whistle?
Really well. Surprises people for some reason.

30. Favorite color?
Green.

31. Would you be a pirate?
Only if i could fuck Jack Sparrow. (Haha, I like this. Share?)

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I hum random crap.

33. Favorite girl's name?
Briallen

34. Favorite boy's name?
Dylan.

wtf happened to 35?

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Chris at work.

where's 37?

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
When I jammed my damn thumb in a train door and it came out flat and black. I really shouldn't have it anymore, I'm sure.

39. Do you love the area where you live?
Eh, it's okay.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One.

41, 42 and 43?

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
I do :)

45. What is your favorite book?
The Shining.

46, 47, 48?

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
MSN chatting and random inet stuff.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
It's too daaaaaark!